my funny status

this is the best collections of funny Status  collected  in English status and they are really cool status collected all for you

This cool status consist of other funny English status like jokes status  , cool status for boys, facebook status , comedy status 

All these Funny Quotes status & Funny Whatsapp Status given in English Language in order to make things easier for everyone to change their status day by day

√check out : Unlimited love quotes

 funny status

Funny status

  • Friends are like boob’s : some are real, some are fake
  • My wallet is like an onion, when I open it. It makes me cry.
  • Everyone is normal until you find them on Twitter.
  • I’m pretty sure you’re not a car, get an actual photo for your profile.
  • I wasn’t drunk; I was just testing if the plant was as soft as my bed.
  • Line dancing was originally invented by women waiting in line for the bathroom.
  • Everything I like is either Illegal, Immoral, Fattening, Addictive, Expensive, or Impossible.
  • I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I’m still at school.
  • It hurts when you go to unfriend someone, and you find they’ve beaten you to it!
  • Looking at school books and thinking: what a waste of a tree!
  • I hate it when I’m singing a song, and the artist gets the words wrong.
  • I tried being normal once. Most boring hour of my life.
  • Every time I put my phone on silent, it decides to play “hide and seek.”
  • I grew up being told not to write on the walls. Felt like such a badass when I first joined Facebook.
  • Wife: I’m pregnant, what do you want it to be? Husband: A joke.
  • A big shout-out to ATM fees for making me buy my own money!
  • Sometimes I prefer to use my face as emoticons.
  • May your life someday be as good as you make it out to be on Facebook.
  • Nothing is illegal. Until you get caught.
  • Hi, I’m James. Let’s bond.

funny status for girls

funny status for girls

  • Life isn’t perfect. But my Hair is!
  • Aye I’m just feeling my vibes right now, I’m feeling myself.
  • I remembered the first day I ever looked into your eyes and felt my entire world flip.
  • When a boy ask me are you single? I feel like dhoka dhoka….
  • A girl adding you to her WhatsApp is a modern sign of trust.
  • A girl should be like a Butterfly…. Pretty to see and hard to catch…Be a lady with class.. a girl with nature and a bitch with attitude…
  • We can’t all be princesses. I mean, someone has to bow as I walk past!
  • Listen to the lyrics of a girl’s favorite song. You will realize that the lyrics are probably how she feels.
  • I’ve had enough of trying to prove myself to people. Now I don’t care about what people think as long as I’m happy with myself!
  • Be a girl with a mind, a woman with attitude, and a lady with class.
  • Sweet as sugar. Cold as ice. Hurt me once, I’ll break you twice.
  • Don’t compare me to other girls. There’s no competition. I’m one of a kind.
  • I’m the girl with dreams on my way of becoming a woman with vision.
  • Once a queen, always a queen.
  • “When a girl is really feeling for you, she goes back and reads the whole conversation again when it’s over.”
  • “Life without you is like; Facebook without friends, Youtube without videos, and Google with no results…”
  • “So there’s this guy and the way he smiles makes me smile, his voice makes my heart skip a beat and whenever I see him, I get butterflies.”
  • “You are my sugar rush, my cocaine bliss, my illegal high, my perfect kiss.
  • You’re an addiction that I always fail to resist.”

Funny English status

Funny English status

  • Laziness is when a person doesn’t fake that he’s working..
  • You don’t have to be crazy to be my friend.. I ll train you..
  • My mom said follow your dreams.. So I went back to bed..
  • They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a Hug..?
  • Men have feelings Too, For Example, Feeling Hungry..
  • I want someone to Give Me A Loan and then Leave Me Alone..
  • Who needs television when there is so much drama on Facebook.
  • Save water – Drink beer!
  • My biggest concern in life is actually how my online friends can be informed of my death…
  • Girls use photoshop to look beautiful.. Boys use photoshop to show their creativity
  • Did anyone else notice the sound if you click the like button on my status?
  • I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.
  • I’m a smart person, I just do stupid things.
  • Don’t follow your dreams, follow me
  • Who cares, I’m awesome.
  • Don’t be a slave in heaven. Be a king of hell.
  • Dear Karma, I Have A List Of People You Missed.
  • Women May Not Hit Harder. But They Hit Lower.
  • Be Strong I Whispered To My Wifi Signal
  • I’M Great In Bed. I Can Sleep For Days.
  • Time Is Precious. Waste It Wisely.

funny facebook status lines

funny facebook status lines

  • I was complimented on my driving today. Someone left a note on my windshield that said, “Parking Fine.”
  • Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.
  • History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives. ~ Abba EbanBooks
  • have knowledge, knowledge is power, power corrupts, corruption is a crime, and crime doesn’t pay. So if you keep reading, you’ll go broke.
  • Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
  • I once prayed to God for a bike, but quickly found out He didn’t work that way—so I stole a bike and prayed for His forgiveness.
  • I’m pretty sure I have atleast one anscestor who would be pretty pissed to find out that helicopters exist and I can’t fly one.
  • I’m offering a $1000 reward to anyone. who brings me $1000 and a taco.
  • I hate when homesless people shake their cup of coins at me. It’s like yeah I know you have more money than me, no need to rub it in.
  • I never thought I’d be one of those people that hit the gym early in the morning …
  • I was right!What kind of downward spiral would cause a person to “like” cream cheese on Facebook?
  • If Coca-Cola REALLY cared about the obesity problem they’d put cocaine back in their recipe.
  • Having kids is like continually cleaning up after a huge party that you didn’t attend.
  • Shout out to good looking women who date unattractive men who aren’t rich, thanks.for keeping hope alive.
  • Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you’re getting a dictionary.
  • You have Facebook? Yup. You have Whatsapp? Yup. You have love? Forgot to install it.
  • You don’t know something? Google it. You don’t know someone? Facebook it. You don’t know where something is? MOM!
  • I want to change my name on Facebook to “Nobody,” so when I see someone posting something stupid I can Like their post and it
  • will say “Nobody likes this.”

Funny status

funny status quotes

funny status quotes

  • “When I actually die some people are going to get really haunted.”
  • “Marriage means silent suicide.”
  • “C.L.A.S.S- come late and start sleeping
  • “I may be fat, but you are ugly. The truth is I still can lose that fat.”
  • My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I’d have to do.
  • “People always say that nothing is impossible. That’s not true. I do nothing every single day.”
  • You call it nagging, I call it ‘listen to what I said the first time!
  • ‘We’re all mature, until someone pulls out some bubble wrap.
  • When I’m a Pedestrian I Hate cars… When I’m Driving I Hate Pedestrians…
  • All my life I thought air is free until I bought a bag of chips.
  • If time does not wait for you, don’t worry. Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life.
  • Everything is 10x funnier when you are not supposed to laugh.
  • I stopped fighting with my inner demons. We are on the same side now.
  • Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up.
  • I don’t have an attitude problem, I just have a personality that you can’t handle.
  • We all are born to die, don’t feel more special than me.
  • Life is too short. Don’t waste it reading my WhatsApp status….
  • The Earth without “Art” is just “Eh”.

Funny status for boys

Funny status for boys

 

  • If a plan didn’t work, Alphabet has 25 more letters.
  • Please don’t get confused between my attitude & personality!
  • I’m cool but Summer made me hot!
  • I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle… He’s dreaming too.
  • Don’t judge my past, look at my present, I am sure my future is really rocking.
  • Please don’t get confused between my attitude & personality!
  • I need someone who sees the fire in my eyes and wants to play with it
  • When I was born..Devil said..”Oh Shit..!! Competition”.
  • “Guys are like stars, there are millions of them, but the only one makes your dreams come true.”
  • “Some men have Hundreds of reasons why they cannot do what they want to when all they need is one reason why they can.”
  • “Dear Good Boys, do not worry having no girlfriend this time. Remember, bad boys will always have the best girlfriend but they will never have the best wife.”
  • “Men hang out in bars for one of two reasons: Either they have no wife to go home to, or they do.”
  • “80% of boys have girlfriends… Rest 20% are having a brain.”
  • “Dear Mario, I wasted my childhood trying to save your girlfriend. Now, you help me to save mine.
  • “Someone asked me: How is your life? I just smiled and replied, She is fine.”
  • “Stop checking my Status, Go and love your GF.”
  • “The real reason women live longer than men because they don’t have to live with women.”
  • “Love me for who I am – not what you want me to be. Take me or leave me. It’s that simple.”
  • I’m an amazing cook. And I’m a gentleman but can belch the entire alphabet.
  • Classy.I am a hot dude with a cool attitude.
  • There’s like 7 billion people in this world and no one wants to date me. I hate this world … huh
  • Boys don’t make passes at female smart- asses.
  • Girls use Photoshop to look beautiful… Boys use Photoshop to show their creativity.
  • How do you know what it’s like to be stupid if you’ve never been smart?
  • I am not Spiderman nor Superman. However, I am the superhero for my GF!
  • Boys are great, every girl should have one.

funny love status

Funny love status

  • When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace.
  • Age does not protect you from love, but love to some extent protects you from age
  • True love doesn’t have a happy ending. It has no end.
  • A boy gave a girl 13 roses, 12 were real, one was fake,then the boy said to the girl, I will love you till the last rose dies.
  • Love is patient, love is kind. love will make you lose your mind.
  • If I could re-arrange the alphabet I`d put “u” and “i” together, wait… that’s already on the keyboard
  • If you are reading this, go tell someone you love, that you love them. ♥
  • Kiss me and you will see how important I am.
  • Teacher: Who can explain gender discrimination with an example? Student: Women can sleep with whoever they want, men have to sleep with whoever lets them.
  • Marriage is like going to a restaurant and order your choice from the menu, And then look at neighboring table n wish you”d ordered that.
  • The question I have not been able to answer is “What… does a woman want?”
  • I love my job only when I am on vacation
  • If I’d shot you sooner, I’d be out of jail by now.
  • Sometimes you don`t want to fall in love but your heart doesn’t ask your permission.
  • What’s the biggest challenge in love? It’s when others try to steal your partner, but still your partner always choose to stay with you.
  • Love can`t be proven with poems, promises, or presents. Sometimes, only pain and patience can prove it.

Comedy status

Comedy status

  • It may look like I’m deep in thought, but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food to eat later.
  • Coins always make sound but the currency notes are always silent! That’s why I’m always calm and silent…
  • Save paper, don’t do homework.
  • Think about it ..every time we look back at ourselves few years ago we think we were an idiot.
  • Life is too short. Don’t waste it removing pen drive safely.
  • Cousins are created so that our Parents can compare marks.
  • Dear God, there is a bug in your software… it’s called Monday, please fix it.
  • WE MEN WANT THE SAME THING FROM WOMEN THAT WE WANT FROM UNDERWEAR.SOME SUPPORT AND SOME FREEDOM.
  • LIGHT TRAVELS FASTER THAN SOUND. THIS IS WHY SOME PEOPLE APPEAR BRIGHT UNTIL THEY SPEAK.
  • DOESN’T EXPECTING THE UNEXPECTED MAKE THE UNEXPECTED EXPECTED?
  • SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKY’S. PRETTY MUCH USELESS BUT MAKE YOU SMILE WHEN YOU PUSH THEM DOWN THE STAIRS.

funny whatsapp status in hindi

  • शादीशुदा मर्द अपनी bp, sugar की दवा समय पर लेते रहे, अकेले करवा चौथ के व्रत पर विश्वास ना रख
  • आज पुरानी GF मिली बाज़ार में… मैं उसे “हलो कहने ही वाला था,कि उसके पति ने “चलो” कह दिया… ..
  • अपने दर्द को #_छुपाना सीख लिया, हर बात पर #_मुस्कुराना सीख लिया, बस ये दो लाइन बोल कर सूंदर #_लड़कियों को पटना सीख लिया
  • छम-छम कर के आयी छम-छम करके चली गयी, में #_सिंदूर हाथ में लिए खड़ा रहा, और वो #_राखी बाँध के चली गयी
  • वो कहती है अपने #_भाइयों से, मेरा #_आशिक है इसे यूँ न पीटो, बड़ा ज़िद्दी है ये #_कमीना पहले इसे कुत्ते की तरह घसीटो
  • चाँद को तोड़ दूंगा #_सूरज को फोड़ दूंगा #_तू एक बार हाँ कर दे पहले वाली को छोड़ दूंगा
  • आज मैंने माँ से पुछा – माँ मैं जीवन में आगे बढ़ने के लिये क्या करुं ? माँ ने बडे प्यार से बोला पत्थर ले और सबसे पहले ये Mobile फोड़। “मेरी प्यारी माँ”

Jokes status

Jokes status

  • You heard about Mickey divorcing Minnie? Yea that bitch was F..bad..ing Goofy!!
  • If people are talking behind your back, then just fart.
  • Someone on his status “Sleeping” …since 3 Days! He’s Probably dead.
  • People say everything happens for a reason. So when I punch you in the face, remember I have a reason.
  • I enjoy when people show Attitude to me because it shows that they need an Attitude to impress me!
  • When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
  • You can’t put a value on a human life, but my wife’s life insurance company made a pretty fair offer.
  • Tip to avoid car insurance……….Join Facebook and never leave home.
  • I’m looking for a bank loan which can perform two things..give me a Loan and then leave me Alone.
  • Congratulations!! You are the 100th person to view my status. To see your prize please click Control + W.
  • Do you know why a previous relationship is called EX? It`s not the term for the past. EX is short for EXpired.
  • I wish I could google “things to eat in my “fridge” so I wouldn’t have to go downstairs and be disappointed.
  • Thinks that Facebook should change the status question from “what’s on your mind?” to “what’s your problem today?”
  • you’re sorry ? that`s cool. go write a book about it and let someone who actually cares read it.
  • Beauty isn’t measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear, but what we are inside… So, try going out naked tomorrow and see the admiration!
  • My friend has just updated his status saying. Is balancing on the edge of a cliff… So i poked him.

whatsapp status images in english

whatsapp status images in english

whatapp status images in English 

Funny status

Whatsapp status images in English

Whatsapp status images in English

Funny whatapp status images

Comedy status

Funny love status

Funny status quotes

Funny English status

conclusion :do you have any other funny status? or any other suggestions about this post let Pls share with us in comments section and share this post with friends

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